The Truth About This

“Ban anger for life! And while you’re at it, toss out bitterness and rage too!”

That’s how Ephesians 4:31 used to blare in my brain. Picture a frazzled mom scolding her bickering boys and you’ll get my mental image.

Isn’t this what the verse says?

On the surface, yes. But what appears to be a straightforward admonition to banish anger contains an invitation to mend our emotional wounds.

How’s that?

First off, God isn’t instructing us to annihilate anger altogether. We can bank on this because a few verses earlier, in Ephesians 4:26, God designates sunset as anger’s expiration time.

A second insight hides in the order of things. Verse 31 first lists “bitterness, rage, and anger,” followed by “brawling, slander, and malice.” The last lot implies the presence of another—because it takes at least two to brawl. Nobody slanders or commits malice against themselves.

The way Scripture organizes the verse leads me to interpret Ephesians 4:31 as:

Avert anger from occupying permanent residence or it will ransack your relationships.

How, though?

Some have tried to manage rage by will-powering it away or resolving to be more Christlike. But the most effective way to eliminate anger is by attending to the pain it covers.

Let’s create a fictional figure to illustrate. Say Sachi hears about a pastor who’s sued by a former church member, alleging he molested her during youth camp years ago. Reading the dismal account dumps Sachi straight into the despair, shame, and hurt which engulfed her when an uncle raped her at 12. This incident led Sachi to severe depression, which culminated in a suicide attempt.

This stranger’s lawsuit shakes loose Sachi’s memories about her own trauma. What’s she to do?

Clinging to despair and the like can revive her suicidal thoughts. But this option is too frightening compared to fuming at the perpetrator/pastor. (Not that Sachi consciously plotted to prefer anger over other vulnerable emotions. Just as the body has ways to preserve our lives without our awareness—for instance, by shivering to raise temperature—so does our soul subconsciously strategize to keep us sane.)

Even if Sachi strives to observe Ephesians 4:26 by time-limiting her rage, it may refuse to relent no matter how many sunsets slip by. That’s because it’s serving a purpose. Without the anger, she’d get sucked into the vortex of painful feelings surrounding the rape, which could dead-end in suicide.

Her anger won’t vanish until Sachi receives emotional healing.

Does this mean trauma survivors get a special exemption to retain their rage after nightfall?

Not really. God expects Christians, survivors included, to follow Ephesians 4:31. If you’re a trauma survivor, you can petition God to help you heal the original pain.

I’ll explain how to work with your angry part—so it’ll yield its grip on you by the end of the day—another time.

For now, let me share this updated understanding of Ephesians 4:31:

Seek healing for your emotional wounds. This way anger won’t reside permanently in your life or ransack your relationships.